From: gregorys@MICROSOFT.COM
Subject: A major scientific breakthrough!

       SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT:	 ADMINISTRATIUM

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university
physicists here. The element, tentatively named administratium (Ad), has no
protons or electrons, which means that it has atomic number 0 and falls outside
the natural patterns exhibited by other elements. However, it does have 1 
neutron, 125 assistants to the neutron, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistants to
the vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. The 312 particles are
held together by a force involving the continuous exchange of meson-like
particles called "memos." Because it has no protons or electrons, administratium
is inert. Nonetheless, it can be detected chemically, in a that it seems to
impede every reaction in which it is present. According to one of the
discoverers, even a small amount of administratium made one reaction that
normally lasts less than a second takes more than four days.

Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years. It does not
actually decay. Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a vice neutron,
assistants to the vice neutron and certain assistants to the neutron exchange
places. Some studies have indicated that its mass actually increases after each
reorganization, although this is yet to be explained. Another phenomenon that
has been observed, as expected from the mechanics of minute particles, is that
the more one tries to pin down the positions of vice neutrons within the
structure of administratium, the more uncertain those positions become.