Date:	 Fri, 7 Oct 1994 10:10:54 -0500
From:	 Nachum Hurvitz <NHurvitz@GOV.HCFA.GATE>

How to get better service for your computer or printer

1. Do not call for a technician until everyone concerned has had time to form
an opinion as to what is wrong. Allow each person the chance to correct the
problem. Whenever possible all electronic pots and adjusting screws
should be turned.

2. After several days, when the computer/printer malfunction has become a major
emergency, place an urgent call for a technician. Fridays are best, but anytime
after 4 p.m. is OK.

3. Alert all personnel so that each can give their version of what is wrong.	
Suggestions on how to fix the computer/printer will be welcomed by the
technician.

4. Hide the service logbook that is found next to the computer/printer. Make
several references to the log and ask why he isn't using it.

5. Have at least eight graduate engineers present to ask highly technical
questions which are in no way related to the immediate problem.

6. The computer/printer should be as dirty and greasy as possible. A mixture of
oil and pencil sharpener shavings work well. If the problem area has electrical
components, add staples and paper clips.

7. Assign someone to supervise the repair. A person who has never seen the
computer/printer before is preferred. Bad breath is a big plus.

8. Be sure that the lights are off in the room where the device is to be
repaired. A good technician can fix them blindfolded.

9. The minute the technician arrives, ask what caused the delay. Make it clear
that he should have arrived two days ago. Before he can answer, ask him when
the computer/printer will be back in service.

10. As soon as the technician starts to work on the device, have all personnel
go over one at a time, and ask when it will be ready to use.

11. If the technician goes back to his shop for a new part, try and use the
device. All those parts	that he has removed may not really be needed.

12. When the repair is completed, tell the technician what a swell job he did. 
Tell him that the job should be swell, it took long enough.

13. After the technician is gone, call his supervisor and tell him that the
machine is now worse then it was before. Follow up with a letter to the owner
of the service company.