<<< DISK$SATURN:[NOTES$LIBRARY]HELP_DESK.NOTE;1 >>> -< Help Desk Discussions >- ================================================================================ Note 1170.0 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 10 replies BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 31 lines 4-MAY-1995 04:01 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 3 May 1995 16:39:53 -0400 From: Marilyn Olmstead LEO: Some comments to add to your slogans: * Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS. Sounds like a good cross-stitch project. * For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. Doris and I really relate to that one (why would ANYONE EVER want a cellular phone?) * I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... (With a suspicious look) You've been telling those people on the Helpdesk list about me, haven't you? * I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. Did you try this? Does Johanne go for it? * I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. This is so tempting sometimes... * Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? All the time. What's your point? * I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. Classy. Is it valid closure to a Heat entry? * If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. Someone said that to me once... As Elizabeth said when I forwarded your original message to her, "Thanks, I needed that." MO ================================================================================ Note 1170.1 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 1 of 10 BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 18 lines 2-MAY-1995 20:06 -< Re: helpdesk slogans >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 2 May 1995 12:05:59 -0500 From: David Sisk Frank, First, if you have a "Top Ten list of dumb user questions," post it here--hey, a readymade appreciative audience shouldn't be wasted. Secondly, we have two mottoes for our Help Desk. The one we give the public is "Call God for help!" (Our help number is extension 463.) This is memorable, if not very witty, and seems to be working. Our internal motto, which may wind up on a T-shirt before it gets real hot, is "Think, people!" Cordially, _______________________________________ David W. Sisk, User Services Specialist Knox College, Ferris Computer Center Internet: dsisk@knox.edu Voice: (309)-343-0112 x.538 ================================================================================ Note 1170.2 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 2 of 10 BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 43 lines 4-MAY-1995 07:26 -< Re: helpdesk slogans >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 3 May 1995 16:16:26 GMT From: Grace Chiu Francis Mitchell (FRMITCHELL@DAVIDSON.EDU) wrote: : Hello again everybody, : To go along with the restructuring of our helpdesk, we're making t-shirts for : our staff. We'd like to make the shirt both promotional and funny. If anyone : has any good ideas for tshirt sayings or slogans they'd like to share, please : write me at frmitchell@davidson.edu. I'd thought of doing a top ten list, but : the only thing I could think of was "Top Ten Dumb Questions asked at the : HelpDesk" but I figured that wouldn't go over well with the campus users or our I have thought about getting my staff, which are both Computer Operators and HelpDesk Operators, a long-sleeved white T-shirt with our corporate logo embroidered on it and a permanent fabric marker. It's called the Operator Cheat Shirt. It replaces the cheat sheets, yellow stickies, and writing on hands and arms, as well as the "reboot me" signs on the back (my staff are fun guys (fungii)) of each other's shirts. One guy got a "tape for destruction" label stuck on his shirt back & went out shopping and dining after work. This is what happens when April 1 is on a Saturday. Anyways, a while ago I scanned in a picture of a sea otter from the Monterey Bay Aquarium and posted it up on the wall by the HelpDesk with the caption: "You otter call the Help Desk". I don't like to publicize dumb user questions but when one of my less literate operators left the company, I printed a report of all the requests he entered over the last 5 years. There were some gems like "He is squealing his mouse", "User is dead in the water". "Would like his Mac PC booted out of office", "would like instructions vaxed to him at ###-####", "Having problems with relative's address",... I'm sure you can relate. Nevertheless, my point is that it may be more appropriate to laugh at yourself than at users. Have fun! Grace Chiu ================================================================================ Note 1170.3 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 3 of 10 BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 36 lines 5-MAY-1995 22:42 -< Re: helpdesk slogans >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 4 May 1995 07:17:45 -0700 From: Robert Minneman You wrote: > >Hello again everybody, >To go along with the restructuring of our helpdesk, we're making t-shirts for >our staff. We'd like to make the shirt both promotional and funny. If anyone >has any good ideas for tshirt sayings or slogans they'd like to share, please >write me at frmitchell@davidson.edu. I'd thought of doing a top ten list, but >the only thing I could think of was "Top Ten Dumb Questions asked at the >HelpDesk" but I figured that wouldn't go over well with the campus users or our >director. > >thanks much! > >Francis Mitchell >frmitchell@davidson.edu > How about: "Help me, my PC's crashed and I can't boot it up!" With a picture of Mrs. Fletcher somewhere... Robert Minneman rminnema@ix.netcom.com ================================================================================ Note 1170.4 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 4 of 10 BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 23 lines 2-MAY-1995 22:08 -< Re: helpdesk slogans >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 2 May 1995 13:57:51 -0600 From: darline graves >Hello again everybody, >To go along with the restructuring of our helpdesk, we're making t-shirts for >our staff. We'd like to make the shirt both promotional and funny. If anyone >has any good ideas for tshirt sayings or slogans they'd like to share, please >write me at frmitchell@davidson.edu. I'd thought of doing a top ten list, but >the only thing I could think of was "Top Ten Dumb Questions asked at the >HelpDesk" but I figured that wouldn't go over well with the campus users or our >director. > >thanks much! > >Francis Mitchell >frmitchell@davidson.edu Please share any good ones with the list. Sounds like fun. DARLINE GRAVES (dgraves@sfasu.edu) INFORMATION SERVICES COOR.(HELP DESK) ACADEMIC COMPUTING 409-468-1212 STEPHEN F. AUSTIN STATE UNIVERSITY ================================================================================ Note 1170.5 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 5 of 10 BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 30 lines 2-MAY-1995 23:14 -< Re: helpdesk slogans >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 2 May 1995 16:00:42 -0400 From: Gerald Theriault Show an example and try laughing at yourself instead, that will surely work better with your Director and users. How about this: Top Ten Answers " Not to Give at a Helpdesk " 1) Don't call us, we'll call you. 2) Sorry we only fix problems with your desk, otherwise call 911. 3) Sorry, I'm having my lunch right now. 4) Please call in about half an hour, my mom is on the line right now. 5) Click.... 6) Please hangup....Please hangup and try again... I'm sure you can come up with a few of your own. Have fun! >Hello again everybody, >To go along with the restructuring of our helpdesk, we're making t-shirts for >our staff. We'd like to make the shirt both promotional and funny. If anyone >has any good ideas for tshirt sayings or slogans they'd like to share, please >write me at frmitchell@davidson.edu. I'd thought of doing a top ten list, but >the only thing I could think of was "Top Ten Dumb Questions asked at the >HelpDesk" but I figured that wouldn't go over well with the campus users or our >director. > >thanks much! > >Francis Mitchell >frmitchell@davidson.edu > > ================================================================================ Note 1170.6 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 6 of 10 BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 45 lines 3-MAY-1995 04:11 -< Re: helpdesk slogans >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 2 May 1995 12:49:14 -0400 From: Denise Moser >Hello again everybody, >To go along with the restructuring of our helpdesk, we're making t-shirts for >our staff. We'd like to make the shirt both promotional and funny. If anyone >has any good ideas for tshirt sayings or slogans they'd like to share, please >write me at frmitchell@davidson.edu. I'd thought of doing a top ten list, but >the only thing I could think of was "Top Ten Dumb Questions asked at the >HelpDesk" but I figured that wouldn't go over well with the campus users or our >director. > >thanks much! > >Francis Mitchell >frmitchell@davidson.edu The following idea was used for our departmental computer consultants who serve as the 1st level of support for their departments at an annual recognition event we have for them, to show our appreciation for their efforts. Remember the cartoon of the duck with a sledge hammer to the computer and the message "Hit any key to continue!"? We had someone develop a similar graphic which was then imprinted with the same message on T-shirts. At this same event, we had an old, dead computer which was donated by one of the departments to become a computer "pinata". We filled it with candy and everyone took turns with their choice of sledge hammer or baseball bat to this system tied to a tree branch. Hardhat and safety goggles were provided. It was a great stress-reliever and a lot of fun! However, don't use hard candy, as it deteriorates to powder after the beating the computer takes! :-) Denise ********************************************* Denise Moser Coordinator, Information Resource Center Univ. of Notre Dame Office of University Computing 111 Computing Center/Math Bldg. Notre Dame, IN 46556 Phone: (219) 631-7978 Denise.L.Moser.6@nd.edu FAX: (219) 631-8201 ********************************************* It is as hard for the good to suspect evil as it is for the bad to suspect good. ================================================================================ Note 1170.7 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 7 of 10 BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 41 lines 3-MAY-1995 04:11 -< Re: helpdesk slogans >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 2 May 1995 16:38:15 EDT From: Jill Cherveny This isnt really a helpdesk slogan, but it is *very* funny.... ANyone read the 'Dilbert' cartoon strip? Well, a few months ago it ran one that I had to have, so I cut it out and put it up in my office...it's not going to be the same without the cartoon itself, so if anyone gets a kick out of it, give me you fax# and I'll fax you a copy... box1 Titled: Dogbert's Tech Support shows dog sitting at desk on phone saying 'I think I know what your problem is...' box2 Shows dog sitting at desk still on phone saying 'Take all the parts and arrange them in neat piles. Now stand on your chair so you can see above your cubicle wall...' box3 Shows person (user) dog (us)is talking to standing on chair looking over wall with phone cradled in hand....shows him listening to the dog say ' Now shout "does anyone know how to read a manual" HAHAHAHAH pretty funny huh? Hope it made you smile :) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Jill Cherveny Oakdale, Long Island, New York (516)244-3445 chervenj@dowling.edu 'If you hate something, don't you do it too' =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-= ================================================================================ Note 1170.8 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 8 of 10 BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 98 lines 3-MAY-1995 22:22 -< Re: Helpdesk slogans >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 3 May 1995 11:45:29 -0400 From: Julie Maxwell These are not exactly help desk slogans, but they might be converted to such. Anyway, I hope they add a little humor to everyone's day. * 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. * Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS. * Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? * Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. * ...Every morning is the dawn of a new error... * A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee. * For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. * I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... * The beatings will continue until morale improves. * I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. * Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. * Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. * Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. * There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. * I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. * Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? * A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. * I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. * Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out. * If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished! * Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock. * Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way. * If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? * If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. * If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. * Don't look back, they might be gaining on you. * It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. * Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. * Look out for #1. Don't step in #2. * Budget: A method for going broke methodically. * Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it. * Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. * Demons are a Ghouls best Friend. * Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. * Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat! * What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull. * Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. * COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key (I'd like to know where the key labeled "Any" is.) * Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. * 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. * Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. * Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. * My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. * C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL * C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN * <-------- The information went data way --------> * Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression * The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. * BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding * The name is Baud......, James Baud. * BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! * Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! * C:\ > Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. * Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. * Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" * As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. * Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) * Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups. * E Pluribus Modem * ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) * Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny * A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. * An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. * CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)? * Does fuzzy logic tickle? * A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord. * 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium. * 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? * Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. * Windows: Just another pane in the glass. * SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . * Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk? * Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. * RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. * Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... * All computers wait at the same speed. * DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors. * Press -- to continue ... * Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... * Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... * ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! * E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. * Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! * All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? * Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. * "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 * Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS * Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! * Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... * Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven. ================================================================================ Note 1170.9 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 9 of 10 BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 152 lines 4-MAY-1995 05:35 -< Helpdesk slogans >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 3 May 1995 08:50:25 -0400 From: Francis Mitchell Hello, I had some requests to share the suggested slogans I received with the list, so here goes: > >"If we can't fix it, it isn't broken." > >I think I've seen this somewhere, but I'm not sure. > >Mike >_________________________________ > >Mike Weber miweber@davidson.edu > > Francis, > > You're probably interested in more constructive responses, but I > thought I'd send this one along to you anyhow. My Help Desk > group, known as IS-Support, and I were entertaining ideas on how > to more effectively promote ourselves a couple of weeks ago. One > of the team came up with the following idea; T-shirts which read > > "IS-Support At Your Service - Dial 101" > on the front (our extension for internal support being 101) and a > bull's eye on the back. > > Funny idea, but it was considered a bit risky; some folks, likely > most, would be amused, while others would construe this to be an > expression of antagonism towards our customers. Therefore, into > the trash it went. > > Thank you, > > Wayne Hetherington > > SilverPlatter Information > 100 River Ridge Road > Norwood, MA > {WayneH@silverplatter.com} > > >I redid (in a bitmap editor yet!) a "four-framer" (daily cartoon) of >Hey, B.C. "The Answer Man" Thor leaning on a labeled boulder, the >'pretty girl' comes along, asks, "How you doing?", he replies, >"Fine."... Last frame he thinking to himself, 'Is this job easy, or >what?" So I change the two middle frames to: Her, "Del *.*?", and >he replies, "Sounds fine to me!" (Is this job easy or what...). >Labeled the whole thing Technology Services (our group name). The >students loved it! > The latest is "Del *.* = 100% compression." > Reminds me of an old line from Jordan Marsh EDP group, >"When the going gets tough, the wierd turn professional." > Let me know what you choose, try not to be tooo-o safe in your >choice... ;-) > > > ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> >D. Brewer Eddy College of William and Mary >brewer@infotech.ts.wm.edu Technology Services, Swem G5 > Williamsburg, VA 23187-8794 >Brought to you by RTM Associates, who encourage you to Read The Manual ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> > > >How about > The guru is [IN] > > First, if you have a "Top Ten list of dumb user questions," post >it here--hey, a readymade appreciative audience shouldn't be wasted. > Secondly, we have two mottoes for our Help Desk. The one we give >the public is "Call God for help!" (Our help number is extension 463.) >This is memorable, if not very witty, and seems to be working. Our >internal motto, which may wind up on a T-shirt before it gets real hot, >is "Think, people!" > Cordially, > >_______________________________________ >David W. Sisk, User Services Specialist >Knox College, Ferris Computer Center >Internet: dsisk@knox.edu >Voice: (309)-343-0112 x.538 > > >The following idea was used for our departmental computer consultants who >serve as the 1st level of support for their departments at an annual >recognition event we have for them, to show our appreciation for their >efforts. > >Remember the cartoon of the duck with a sledge hammer to the computer and >the message "Hit any key to continue!"? We had someone develop a similar >graphic which was then imprinted with the same message on T-shirts. At >this same event, we had an old, dead computer which was donated by one of >the departments to become a computer "pinata". We filled it with candy and >everyone took turns with their choice of sledge hammer or baseball bat to >this system tied to a tree branch. Hardhat and safety goggles were >provided. It was a great stress-reliever and a lot of fun! However, don't >use hard candy, as it deteriorates to powder after the beating the computer >takes! :-) > >Denise > >********************************************* >Denise Moser >Coordinator, Information Resource Center >Univ. of Notre Dame Office of University Computing >111 Computing Center/Math Bldg. >Notre Dame, IN 46556 Phone: (219) 631-7978 >Denise.L.Moser.6@nd.edu FAX: (219) 631-8201 >********************************************* > It is as hard for the good to suspect evil as it is for the bad to >suspect good. > > >I thought this would be cute for a slogan > >At Helpdesk we don't have any HANGUPS >so call us at # > > >Good Luck with your Help Desk >kelly > >Show an example and try laughing at yourself instead, that will surely work >better with your Director and users. How about this: >Top Ten Answers " Not to Give at a Helpdesk " >1) Don't call us, we'll call you. >2) Sorry we only fix problems with your desk, otherwise call 911. >3) Sorry, I'm having my lunch right now. >4) Please call in about half an hour, my mom is on the line right now. >5) Click.... >6) Please hangup....Please hangup and try again... > >I'm sure you can come up with a few of your own. Have fun! > > >Hi Francis, > >Only have a minute to shoot this off to you, but we use the motto, "We don't be >in miracles ---- We DEPEND on them". Another one we use is "CARPE PHONUM" >- seize the phone and call us ;-) > >Good luck, > >- Bill Beaulieu - > beaulieu.william@mayo.edu Francis Mitchell frmitchell@davidson.edu ================================================================================ Note 1170.10 Re: Helpdesk slogans -Reply 10 of 10 BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution" 16 lines 5-MAY-1995 03:55 -< helpdesk slogans >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 2 May 1995 11:36:07 -0400 From: Francis Mitchell Hello again everybody, To go along with the restructuring of our helpdesk, we're making t-shirts for our staff. We'd like to make the shirt both promotional and funny. If anyone has any good ideas for tshirt sayings or slogans they'd like to share, please write me at frmitchell@davidson.edu. I'd thought of doing a top ten list, but the only thing I could think of was "Top Ten Dumb Questions asked at the HelpDesk" but I figured that wouldn't go over well with the campus users or our director. thanks much! Francis Mitchell frmitchell@davidson.edu