Mr. Murgatroyd and Mr. Winterbottom
Ronald Frankau and Tommy Handley
- Well Mr. Murgatroyd, I never thought we'd get to meet again.
- No, only to fish.
- Yes, yes
- Mr Winterbottom, you look spick and span, oh yes.
You.. you haven't even got a tear in your clothes.
- No, my wife gives the rent to the landlord.
- This clothes rationing is difficult.
I used to dress on Bond St.
- And then?
- Policeman moved me on.
- Dear dear!
- Who was your cutter?
- My cutter? What, hair or salary?
- Matter of fact, I've still got a very large wardrobe.
- Anything in it?
- Two ties and a strong smell of mothballs.
- Oh yees...
- Well I still think it necessary that every smart man should
possess four suits...
- spades and clubs
- hearts and diamonds
- socks an shirts
- stocks and shares
- bows and arrows
- belts and braces
- a bowler
- a batsman
- a cap
- trilby
- svengali
- studs
- links
- tennis court
- evening coat
- ulster
- munster
- lenster
- connaught
- [Both:] and a pair of pyjamas!
- Come here! Why do they call them a pair?
- Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
- An apple a day is no good to me, I like a good square meal.
- What do you say to sausages then?
- So long, oblongs!
- What do you have first-thing in the morning, these days?
- A bad cough, what do you have?
- Besides what?
- Besides the same cough I have?
- Oh I just feel funny.. I always feel funny.
- Oh that's just conceit!
- Is it?
- Well, what are your...
- By the way your eyes are running!
- I'll catch up with them in a minute.
- Good, I'm very glad to hear it.
- As a matter of fact my doctor told me to take things quietly.
- Pity, and you were so fond of soup!
- Incidentally, I've got to take things quietly until January.
- You'll tide over.
- A few impersonations. My first: a tall carol singer...
- (Silence)
- Well, why the long wait?
- That's it, a tall carol singer.
- I would give you a book for Christmas but you've no appreciation
of literature, have you?
- I've read Dickens
- Great Scott!
- And him too.
- Er.. read Arnold Bennett?
- Yes
- Sabatini?
- Yes
- Mary Correlli?
- No I was going to but I married Miss Smith instead.
- Do you read in bed?
- No my wife does and I turn over.
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