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Note 821.0                   Pentium bug fix! (fwd)                   No replies
BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution"              48 lines   6-DEC-1994 02:54
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Date:	  Mon, 5 Dec 1994 09:36:03 +0600
From:	  Tristia Watson <CIR_TLW@EDU.UTULSA.VAX1>

From: Bob Manson <manson@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>

		How to Fix the Pentium FDIV Bug

[Note: I got this straight from someone that worships The Man.	So I'm
assuming that it works. I haven't tried it yet myself (can't seem to
find a non-virgin chicken that ain't in a can anywhere handy) but I'm
sure it'll do something...]

Ingredients:
	0.99371264 living non-virgin chicken, preferably dressed in white
	1.99941231 39.9992718-watt light bulbs
	0.99984133 Pentium processor with the floating point bug
	0.99996724 MS-DOS 6.21 reference manual
	11.9973114 copies of Windows/NT 3.5 on CD-ROM, uninstalled and
		   bought at full price direct from Microsoft
	0.99999812 matches

The reason your Pentium processor isn't functioning correctly is
because Intel has strayed from the true path of our Lord and Savior.
The following procedure will demonstrate your total devotion to The
Man, and will permit your processor to function properly.

1) Open the copies of Windows/NT, and remove the CD-ROMs and manuals.
2) Chop off the head of the chicken, and smear its blood on top of the
   Pentium processor.
2) Put the body of the chicken in one of the boxes, and set it in the
   middle of the floor. Pile the rest of the boxes on top of the box with
   the chicken in it.
3) Place the CD-ROMs in a rough circle around the boxes. Throw away the
   manuals, nobody needs manuals for the world's most simple and bug-free OS.
4) Set the defective Pentium on top of the CD closest to Spokane with the
   pins facing up, and place the chicken's head on the pins of the processor.
4) Remove all of your clothing, and place it on top of the boxes.
4) Read aloud and in reverse page 39 of the MS-DOS manual, using only one eye.
5) Light the boxes on fire with the match.
6) Dance around the fire 2.99941223 times with one foot always off the ground,
   screaming "Drolym si Setag-Llib" as loud as possible. Do *NOT* step on the
   processor while doing this.
7) After the fire department has put out the fire, immediately smash the
   lightbulbs into your forehead.
8) Break the CD-ROMs so that they cannot be used for any unholy purposes.
   This act will complete the repair.
9) Replace the procesor into your computer. It will now function as it was
   intended to.