Ruddles Bitter TV Advert (V. Stanshall)

There were at least three variants of this ad...

One variant of the advert

The scene is the standard Rawlinson dinner table with the family and guests seated. The narrator [Vivian] is reciting a poem.

Scrotum is walking round the table serving; a Vicar sips white wine. Hubert [Vivian] is at the table: with a quill pen he dips into a very thick green soup but can't think what to write.

Sir Henry [Mel Smith or Dawn French] slumps back in his big chair & sighs. The Vicar slumps into his soup.

Sir Henry sees a pint on the table in front of him and calls for some Ruddles beer. Scrotum draws another pint from a Ruddles hand-pump. Hubert gets inspiration, dips his quill pen again into the soup and starts writing on his napkin.

Lady Phillipa's [?] head lolls forward, almost into her soup and some dentures fly past in the foreground, stopping to take a couple of bites.

A balding guest starts out of a snooze and suddenly sprouts lots of hair (something like King Edward VII but more so). Sir Henry drinks a pint with the Vicar watching intently.

A Ruddles sung jingle starts. Scrotum puts a sou'wester hat on Sir Henry, the guests all turn 90 degrees in their seats to form a rowing crew and start rowing the table out.

Poems

[Something like Edward Lear's The Owl and the Pussycat in rythmn and style - poem 2 especially so!]

Poem 1 [this matches the action]
When my muse is away I can't cheat 'em
But this rhyme needs a Bob in the meter,
Pray give us a clue - a random tattoo,
Drummed up to make my words sweeter.
Resigned to a slump, when a sudden hand-pump
Put spark where a spark is most useful.
He picked up his quill and with sudden thrill
Wrote by the moon in the boot-full.
When the world and all in it befuddles
Pitch clear and call for a Ruddles.
[Sir Henry:] "Up to the gob and straight down the throat"
There's no better way to push out the boat.
[Jingle:]
Are you ready for a Ruddles?
Poem 2
Malcolm the porcupine went to see
If a moon with green cheese would float.
He exhaled a spray of "Will you go away?"
To the land where the hoppity oats.
He brewed humpty of Ruddles
Which he dumpty in puddles
And licked up whenever it snowed.
[Jingle:]
Are you ready for a Ruddles?

Footnotes

Dentures

Possibly meant to be Humbert's dentures?

Ruddles Brewery

Founded 1858. In the county of Rutland (the smallest county). Produced what was generally regarded as the best widely-available Bitter back in the late 70s/early 80s (remember there was far less choice in real beer then). It was also sold as Sainsbury's own-brand Bitter (Sainsbury's is one of the two largest supermarket chains here).

Ruddles sold out to Watneys in 1986 (Watneys being the arch-enemy of real ale), with the inevitable result.

Watneys (part of the Grand Metropolitan catering/leisure group) sold the brewery to Grolsh (the Dutch brewery group) in 1992 and Ruddles revived for a while, presumably helped by its high-profile ad campaign. In 1997 it was bought by the Morland Brewery and closed in 1998.