[Bonzo Dog]

The Doughnut In Granny's Greenhouse - The Bonzo Dog Band

With thanks to Bob Kruse and Madir Mabbott.
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The transcriptions on this site have been contributed by fans for fans as a labour of love and as a tribute to the creating artists. The copyrights of the relevant artists, records companies and other rights holders are acknowledged. This is a non-commercial site. Some of the many other lyrics collections
Discography entry
  1. We Are Normal (Stanshall/Innes)

    We are normal and we want our freedom.
    We are normal and we want our freedom.
    Wir sind gewoehnlich, wir sind zufrieden.
    We are normal and we dig Bert Weedon

  2. Postcard (Stanshall/Innes)

    Oh, I do like to be beside the sea,
    The "Drinking Bear" sits in Silver's Arcade,
    He sips imaginary lemonade. (Amusement Pork),

    Lovely View. (Blah blah blab blab) Dear Mum,
    What the Butler Saw (Was a bit of a drag)
    The Captain says he's going to heave too.

    Bored with Bingo we went for a swim.
    Fat sea-cows with gorgonzola skin (Semi-nude).

    After lunch we grabbed our trunks,
    And we all got cramp,
    Trousers rolled, the sea is cold,
    But it's good for chilblains.

    On the Prom white plimsolls and blue shorts,
    Brass band playing by the tennis courts.
    (Love fifteen) (Love fifteen-year-olds!)

    Lovely view. (Ahh, he's written at last),
    What's the rudest one? (Just for a laugh),
    Just married and it sticks out for a mile.

    We wish you were here,
    We wish ....

  3. Beautiful Zelda (Innes)
    (Transcribed version)

    She's broken all the super-hearts of the super-heroes of the Galaxy,
    So why does she want to mess around with me?
    Listen to my story, it's sad but it's true,
    Please don't laugh. It could happen to you.
    Beautiful Zelda from Galaxy 4,
    Suddenly walked thru' my door.

    Beautiful Zelda leave me alone,
    Just go on back to the Twilight Zone,
    Don't try your jive on a poor Earth-Boy,
    Cos' your kind of love don't bring me no joy.

    A 4th dimensional space-warp brought her to me, Oh yeah,
    The most beautiful girl I ever did see, Oh yeah,
    She took my hand and when I held her, Oh yeah,
    I was fooled by the beautiful Zelda.

    Beautiful Zelda tell me the truth,
    I'm just a clean living all Earth-Youth,
    Don't try your jive on a poor Earth-Boy,
    Cos your kind of love don't bring me no joy.

  4. Can Blue Men Sing The Whites? (Stanshall)

    I was lying in my bed, pull the silken sheets up tight
    I gotta keep me strength up, gotta do a show tonight.
    I have a sip of coffee while I'm taking in the news,
    Ain't gonna have a shave, man, I gotta sing the blues

    Then I think I'll get a massage, maybe, lose a little fat,
    So I have to go downtown in me brand-new Cadillac,
    My valet comes and dressed me, I light a big cigar,
    Cos' I like to look like Nimrod when I'm riding in my car.

    Can blue men sing the whites?
    Or are they hypocrites for singing: Whooo ooo oooH,

    And now it's getting near the time I gotta make the scene,
    So I change outta me dark-grey mohair suit, pull on my dirty jeans,
    The band comes round to pick me up, I holler: "Hang on boys,
    I gotta mess me hair up if I'm gonna make some noise."

    O Lordy,
    In dem cotton fields,
    O Mama,
    Somebody help me,
    Tell me like it was,
    Bugga-boo, buggaaah-whoo-oo

  5. Hello Mabel (Innes)

    Hello Mabel are you able to come out today?
    It's a lovely day won't you come and stay?

    Hello Mabel if you're able say you'll come please do,
    For an hour or two, you know I love you.

    People may say: "It will never do",
    But I can't help the way I feel when I'm with you.

    Hello Mabel, if you're able slip out on your own,
    Lose your chaperone and we can be alone.

  6. Kama Sutra (Stanshall/Innes)

    Kama kama kama Sutra with me. (Yay Yay)
    Kama kama kama Sutra with me. (Yay Yay)
    We tried position 31, it was a lotta fun,
    In position 72 you were me and I was you.
    Kama kama kama ....

  7. Humanoid Boogie (Innes)

    Hi there.
    Some people say it with flowers, some people say it with Lloyds,
    But you don't find many trying to say it with humanoids.

    Well, the Humanoid Boogie's got the Humanoid Hip-Types jumpin'
    And a-jivin', burnin' out their energy cells:
    Like an Infra-red hot-dog.
    Motorbike hearbeats flutter to the stutter of a Humanoid
    Heart-throb sobbin' out a ticker-tape toon;
    By the light of the moon.
    Bleep bleep Keep Rockin' Daddy, Do the stroll,
    Cos' the Humanoid Boogie's fulla Humanoid Rock'n'Roll.

    Mad Dan Sugar-Man & Henrietta Holocaust introduce to you,
    What's new on the Humanoid-Scene. (T's a wow, it's a scream)
    Knick Knack Paddy Whack give the dog a Humanoid, let's have fun.
    Gonna get a personality cell; if all goes well.
    Bleep bleep Keep Rockin' Daddy, catch the power.
    Cos' the Humanoid Boogie's been requested on 2-way Humanoid Hour.
    (Oh baby)
    Some people etc.

    Well the Humanoid Boogie's gonna get to No. 1 in the Cha-cha-
    Tea-charts voted by the people-eople-eople-eople-eople of the
    record buying Publicoid.
    Programmed to a Multiple Response Ratio, it's a wow, it's a gas.
    It's a Wall Street Crash. (Like cigar ash)
    Bleep bleep Keep Rockin' Daddy. Do the stroll.
    Cos' the Humanoid Boogie's fulla Humanoid Rock'n'Roll
    (Oh yeah)

  8. Trouser Press (Spear)

    One-two-three kick.
    Come on everybody, clap your hands. Ooooh. You're looking good.
    A you having a good time. I sure am.
    Do you like soul music ....
    Do the Trouser Press, baby, Oooh?
    Do the Trouser Press, baby, Wo-om-om-om,
    Do the Trouser Press, baby, Ooooooooooom,
    Do the Trouser Press, baby, Wah-oh-oh-oh.

    Give it all you can, it's much better than
    The pre-fabricated concrete coal-bunker.

    Trouser it to me ..................(Shirt-grip)
    You've got me in creases,
    What a turn-up for the books now,
    Don't hang me up now.

  9. My Pink Half of the Drainpipe (Stanshall)

    You who speak to me across the fence,
    Of common sense.
    How your tomato plant may win a prize,
    (Wouldn't that be nice?)
    And by the way,
    How's your wife?
    Your holidays were spent in Spain,
    You went by train,
    You'll go again.

    Have you seen my bull-fight poster on the wall?
    Do you know the happy memories it recalls?
    Here's a photograph of me and my son Ted,
    That's my cousin with his hanky on his head.
    We booked in at our hotel just after two,
    And met a family from Bradford that we knew.

    My pink half of the drainpipe,
    Separates next door from me.
    My pink half of the drainpipe,
    Oh, Mammy, belongs to me.

    I've a sister in Toronto who's a nurse,
    And I've had a bit of bother laying turf.
    And it's Life not books that's taught me all I've learned,
    In the oven my rice pudding's getting burned.
    Have you seen the new attachment on my drill?
    I must have the cat put down because he's ill.

    My pink half of the drainpipe,
    I may paint it blue,
    My pink half of the drainpipe
    Keeps me safe from you.

    I'm a wobbly jelly, you're a pink blancmange.
    I'm a sherry trifle, you're a chocolate sponge.
    My Dad wears a paper hat, mine inflates balloons,
    Whoops, slod-a-dod-flip-flop, here comes a spoon.

    [The rest is transcribed - not printed in the sleeve notes]

    (Spoken:) My pink half of the the drainpipe separates me from the incredibly boring story of your life in all its minute and tedious attention to detail, and "Was it a Thursday or a Wednesday .... ?" - Well I don't know if you are normal, but if you're normal then I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life and I will baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses and quotations from "Now we are Six" through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head.

    SO THERE!!!

  10. Rockaliser Baby (Stanshall/Innes)

    Rockaliser Baby, rocking round the town
    Don't you realise my friend, you're bringing everybody down?
    Rockaliser Baby, what's going on?
    Don't you realise my friend, you're doing everybody wrong?

    Alright hands on heads
    We know how to deal with you ageing Teds, (Bleedin' Fuzz).
    None of your lip, turn out your pockets,
    Righto Johnson ... Book 'im in.

    Betty and I went to Bournemouth on Thursday
    Nobody was drownded so we went for a swim,
    Spent an hour cleaning oil of the sea-gulls,
    I don't think we'll be going again.

  11. Rhinocratic Oaths (V. Stanshall/N. Innes)

  12. 11 Moustachioed Daughters (Stanshall)

    Eleven moustachioed daughters, running in a field of fat
    The moon is high, the mandrake screams,
    Please come to our Sabbat.
    The changeling children shiver, round the fire their mothers dance,
    With strangely painted faces,
    That smile but never laugh.
    The crow-pecked gibbet's victim swings broken in his cage
    His hands cut down to make a crown.
    To wear as our homage.
    Round & round the magic ring soft figures fastly rush
    And wolf-like things & toads with wings whisper wetly
    "Come with us".

    The fresh-plucked eye of a favourite cat,
    Pulped and mixed with a white hens fat,
    A lapwings' wing and lions' gall,
    And Belladonna to make your eyes
    Like a beasts.
    To anoint the body and make it shine,
    To drink & make thyself divine,
    To choose another's form and make it thine.

    And now they gibber blasphemy & fill the fetid air
    With ancient lies & leprous cries,
    This night he will be there.
    A madness has them, mouths gape wide
    As one they sway and moan, & every brutish face is turned,
    To see our Goat-King's Throne.

    (I don't remember too good, but I think John Wayne was in it)

[Bonzo Dog]
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